Ill with Change

Taking refuge in the buddha, dharma, sangha when the going gets rough...torrential downpour, the rain is what differentiates us from other planets...Driving to Outback to buy a red maple (acer rubrum) to replace one that died at a project in Woodbury. Up late, again again again, watching movies, moving pictures, action, violence, spells, sex. As a freeloader, freethinker, freedom fighter, free agent I am overwhelmed with choices, to do whatever, how do you balance it out? I have to get up, after all that beer and cheese, get up and figure it out, make the day work somehow.

Somehow, the day always works out, in a way. I guess when it doesn't is the last day, when I'm in the newspaper, when accidents happen. The terrible openess of a blog, of a social network. We open ourselves up constantly, why, no idea. Because we must, because we want to connect, because the connection is more important then the actual thing.

Almost done with the design. Still need lawn signs. Need to figure out dinner, already. Need to stop watching the clock. Breakfast is killing me. Too tired to shine. Too many eggs in one week, says my doctor.

Always adjusting to the new situation, always adjusting the skin of separation. The new day, new job, new friend, new food, new this, new that. The adjustments are what tires me out. Adjusting to my addictions, my failures, my heartsickness, my overwhelming joy. Ill with change.