weekend...before wedding-organize music
everything seems...to be dirty or misplaced
your breath is terrible-some bathrooms aren't ventilated...don't stick that on me
alone for a time, nothing seems to exist-honestly nobody is home

sick, I watch a movie with the stand-by comforts-no comfort
no nothing
"Perfume" (murderer), exposition of art as obsession
obsession w/ object-medium
medium-translator of states/changes
I-ching throws pit of blood at me-synchronicity
three strangers throw up at a party
stuck in sand/mud/blood

music-the chords perform what? what is the niche?
the labyrinth chases me around in circles
money thoughts never stop
friends drift away for some reason
for no reason-my apathy which is fear-will it rain today?

The Good Life

What is the secret to a successful and good life? I am looking for your input.

didactic reduction

Man, I wish I could be less didactic. I don't think I know more then most, it just sounds like I do. But anyway, I wrote this here:

http://www.orionmagazine.org/index.php/articles/discuss/342/P120/

It’s raining outside and I have the day off of work, so I felt like perusing this forum, otherwise I would probably not do so. I read Janisse Ray’s article awhile ago, so I only remember the gist of the piece. After reading this entire comment section it was clear to me that these comment sections always seem to start so sweetly, with people’s general reactions to the articles, and then degenerate into extremely long missives from those with way too much time on their hands. It is disheartening.

I like writing, though, and reading as well, but obviously the proof is in the pudding. You can say any stupid outrageous intelligent brilliant thing you want, and it just doesn’t matter until an action is taken on behalf of the words you write or the thoughts you think. I think most people inherently know this. So why so much baloney in these forums, comment sections, and listservs? What a waste of energy. And the only way to save the world is to save energy, right?

So my particular response to this article and others like it is one of irritation at the actual smallness of the subject, that we are discussing such ridiculously small problems that can be solved quite easily if anybody actually cared. I’m not saying that people don’t, I’m saying it seems like people don’t. Industrialized people, anyway.

In all actuality, you do not have to drive anywhere or use the internet or buy disposable razor blades from Target or shower every day (I do because I’m a landscaper..:)but we all choose to do one or more stupid things every day because we have been programmed since we were infants to feel like these consumerist actions are what makes us happy, they are what makes us human almost! Good gracious, how could we relax after work without a movie and some popcorn? How could we have a good Christmas without a ham and the newest video game system? Our consumption of junk and apathy towards the earth is what fuels our rampant wasting of many different types of energy. Too me, looking around at our culture, is shocking and amazing. But of course, I can only change myself, so I try to do that in small steps. I don’t succeed all the time, but so what?

Permaculture is one system that will allow human beings to live fully and deliciously on this planet. There are other systems, but there are no technological fixes left when the nonrenewable resources that fuel the machine become too expensive to mine, or runs out. In any case, the small fragment of humanity that makes up the industrialized nations will probably have live like the other three fourths of the world. That’s the real picture of the future, not this desperate clinging of the bourgeoisie to the last vestiges of the middle class suburban lifestyle of comfort and waste.

I’m a country boy living in the big city and I really appreciate both worlds, but the city isn’t sustainable in the long run in my view, at least in the urban centers. But I do not think that a retreat to the country to live a back-to-the-land lifestyle is sustainable either. Basically the city and the country mirror each other, and a million possible permutations exist across the world. I think that as an individual, it is up to me to find and build a community that is sustainable. That is all I can do and any more thought on the subject seems counterproductive and intellectually smug.

There was a particular idea that popped up in this forum, about how the BIG QUESTION was CAN IT SCALE, or something like that. I have gotten that question from any number of intelligent people as a response to my ideas about permaculture and sustainability. I want to say, YES! Of course it can scale. But nobody has tried it, so how the hell do we know for sure? What a ridiculous question, in some ways. Is a small garden less important because it can’t be recreated on giant scale? I honestly don’t even know where people’s heads are at when they ask this question...How has our present system of intensive monocropping been anything but bad? For us and for the earth? We’re fatter and the earth is sicker.

Saying you’re an environmentalist or selling a green or eco product means nothing anymore. The word “organic” has been co-opted and now costs farmers thousands of dollar just to be able to use it. All that counts is every little thing you do. One commentator said that a movement that asks you to consider every action you take wouldn’t attract many people, or something to that effect, but look at Buddhism. It’s pretty popular. And in an case, that is all we can do as humans, otherwise we’re just blindly passing though life into death, ruled by our passions, fears, and ignorance.

Namaste

cosmic monkey is amazed

The world is amazing. Our small planet with its molten core and rocky crust, small layer of life filled with complexity unimaginable, whirling gases creating weather that topples forests and wears down mountains, oceans without end. But the universe is mind blowing.

Take a moment to check out these pictures, and wonder at your universe.

http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/

strange sleep patterns, or lack thereof. whining chainsaws outside my home
cutting down trees that are sickened by disease,
why don't they do this somewhere else-where disease is rampant-where sickness has taken hold
love love love-the dreams I had last night were full
of broken promises and strange fears
Prince rocked out and I was chased by the slow motion horror that chopped off my ear
I woke up gasping for breath
couldn't breathe
noises everywhere out in the home
thought: it is time for a very expensive and comfortable bed

finishing up a job, I want to go out to eat lunch
needing to meet with friends: companionship is optional by not irrational
drunken angers are nothing but pent up energy
dammed flows, catchments overflowing
don't waste the resources! I say to myself as consistently as possible
angry angels are nothing but shards of glass

sometimes, usually
life kicks you in the crotch and you have to slowly recover
a year, a day, never
but always

So it's time to ease off the addictions, back toward the grotto
even if the pain in the body won't go away
Radiohead prances past my ears-lalala lala lala la
so take a break, break a snack open
it seems that it is going to be a long ride

a few more

my kind of guy

Sneak Peek

cha cha cha

Lesson #2

Okay so this week I was out of work. I got a call from a friend of a friend who needed help putting in a patio. No problem, I think. Paver, sand, gravel, easy. The patio and path is 20x40 and 4x20 feet respectively. Hmmmm, that's pretty big, I wonder if I can do it? I ask my boss. She says sure you can.

So I start working. Lotta raking and shoveling. Delivering yards of sand, 6 tons of material. Leveling, raking, sand, sweat. It goes on for a while. I'm beat. I don't think I can get this level. This is too big. Hell, I can do it. I can do anything.

So yeah. I just decide I gotta get going on putting down the pavers. I do it the way I was shown, labor intensive and not very accurate. Not flat, kind wavy. They have problems with it, say they are not going to pay me for some of the work I did. I freak out a little. Not get paid? Jesus, all that sweat for nothing. And I gotta put gas in the truck, pay for mileage. Am I gonna lose money? They have problems with the levelness and layout. Okay fine, I tell them, we'll talk about it in the morning.

Turns out hubby was a contractor, and he redoes my work overnight. I look at it and go, oh shit, it's way better then my work. So I say to the client, okay you don't have to pay for that work I did. She says Oh but you did do work, so I say fine just pay me a little. I tell her I'm not the right guy for this, she says yeah, she pays me fairly and I leave. So it worked out, but I feel like an idiot.

Why did I think I could do such a big job without that much experience? Humility is a hard trait to learn. I've been taught some lessons. Start small. Be honest and truthful.

Climby

Last weekend we went and learned how to rock climb at Vertical Endeavors.

http://verticalendeavors.com/vestpaulnew/index.html

It was really fun and informative. I'm looking forward to climbing on real rock, though. I mean, isn't that the whole point?

I would recommend the beginners safety class to anyone.

the metaphysics of green

Is there an underlying ultimate reality which the material world merely covers like an old blanket?

I watch this: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1732009010723681488&hl=en

And read this: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/14/science/14tier.html?em&ex=1187323200&en=2590af4760a81047&ei=5087%0A

And I wonder about the primary imperatives that motivate us forward in this linear timescape we call life.

Is life a tragedy or comedy?

Refusal

No matter what happens...

I refuse to accept your bullshit.

You, Society. You, Family. You, Friends. You, Corporations. You, Politicians. You, Bankers. You, Religions.

You Who Wish To Slide Stupidly Into Death!

No, I don't need a house, a job, a car, a mortgage, insurance, cancer, sadness, guilt, pressure, madness, hatred, anger, poverty, or shame to be alive. Or new clothes.

Sex is a natural part of life. So is dirt, stone, ecstasy, insanity, decay, food, shelter, love.

Get over yourselves.

Fishing Philosopher

I work with stone, dirt, plants, and water. I shovel and tamp and haul and push. My hands are pinched, my back is pulled, and my biceps are stretched.

Standing in the river I see the swift river birds dive and the gulls soar, I see the pitter patter of raindrops on the rushing water, and hope for a fish to bite my lure. I don't really want to kill anything but the fish tastes good.

My blood flows like the river, my bones are worn away like the stones, my muscles bend and sway like the trees in the wind. Sometimes my mind shines like the sun, other times like the moon.

I think about building a house, a wall, a waterfall. Harvesting the vegetables out of the garden takes time. The mind doesn't want to meditate, it wants to jump around and climb mountains. Learning to climb rock would take time. Time, being swallowed by the giant whale of life.

Fall coming up out of the ground like a mushroom. A motif presents itself to me: the Grotto. I remember that I haven't written poetry for awhile, haven't written a song in a year. Have I retreated to the primal cave to resurrect myself?

this day

my grandpa died of cancer this morning
a good friend hung herself to death one year ago
my life partner's little sister is getting married this afternoon

I caught a smallmouth bass yesterday
I had to hit it on the head with a hammer many times until it took its last breath and let its fins go limp
today I sauteed it in some butter for breakfast and it was very good
there was another fish that I caught but I killed it while trying to retrieve the hook from its mouth
I left it for the birds

I have to go to the dentist
I have to get ready for tomorrow
I haven't gone to work today

the cycle of life and death goes on and on

Flowers

shamanic happenstance

We had wonderful weather yesterday. The heat drove us to the river and we were treated to breakfast by family. I fished but didn't catch anything, because it was too hot of course. Then, with sweat dripping from our brows, we drove for home into stormy weather that dropped much needed rains on our parched soils. We decided to check out the movie Sicko which saddened us and gave us energetic anger. It was an interesting weekend. We also saw amazing fireworks.

Garden Trelliseseses

New photos from the garden. We made trellises out of sticks and twine.

Preachy

That last post was bitchy and preachy.

Anyway, I feel like I have one hundred things to do. I have creative plans, practical plans, project ideas, vacation inspirations, and of course life choices. Life is full. My work is good, and it tires me out most days. I'm learning and enjoying my life as an independent contractor. Maybe not so much when tax time rolls around. Hopefully my rental rebate will cover my taxes. I'm sure you really care.

Well, my next post should have some pics of the garden. Hopefully the weeds haven't taken over.

We're planning on fishing later today, so maybe I'll have some whoppers to tell later.

My Sustainable Life Criteria

1. Compost Everything. (Including cheese and meat scraps and paper towels and old underwear. All those recommendations you find about what to compost are full of shit.)

2. Reuse Everything. (Forget the bourgeois idea of middle class wealth. We're all poor, unless you're in the top ten percent that owns the world.)

3. Use your bike, carpool, use public transportation. (If you drive around in an SUV you can go to hell. I'm not interested in your reasoning; you suck. Even you know that. So knock it off. Also, thanks for destroying my world.)

4. Meat is something to eat once or twice a week at the most, once or twice a month at better, none at best.

5. TV kills your brain. (Stop watching it. Make something.)

6. Cook your own food. (With friends preferably. Use only local organic ingredients. Make with love and compassion. This is our main focus as humans.)

5. Grow your own food. (Anything. A couple of potato plants in a 5 gallon bucket is good. Some chives. You've just changed the world. You are part of the revolution.)

6. Do nothing. (Save the planet and meditate. Read, sleep, sing.)