I did not send out my usual birthday day musing/posting this year because I forgot to. I was contemplating my imminent end as an evolved ape-man passing from a boy of 29 to a man of 30, and hoping that I could at least squeeze another 30x365x24x60 minutes out of the cosmic toothpaste tube we call life. But then, as the months passed, I realized that life continued to produce and lay a fore me as many monotonous swaths of the space/time continuum as ever. It is the boredom of those sentenced to death, the roster of which we all share space. Not a big deal, really, as deals come. But we all share, as evolved ape-persons on this globe floating in space that seems to jut out into the universe neverendingly (cosmic dust and ice/iron formations creating analogues of the very terra firma we call home) the main career goals of all the other life forms on this planet, namely thus:
1. Fill Time
2. Reproduce (In some fashion or another, i.e. making nanobots or websites or children or tapestries or magazines or cupcakes or magic acts or vegetables or that feeling we got in sixth grade after our first kiss, my god the ridiculously soft lip flesh touching lip flesh, a moment that can live in on in our energy fields for decades)
3. Eat (In this, even beyond arctic ursa we excel as men, as glorious women slicing through mango flesh and bacon, frying phallic zucchini marinated in soy sauce and garlic over open flames, neon pink salmon twitching on the grill as if alive)
4. Not Die (This, as far as we can all tell, is the prima donna of all directives, without this first and foremost of life commandments, most other so-called golden rules and stone tablets sit in the dust waiting for purpose...)
And so on. As an evolved ape-man (How do I get this through to you, you religious folk w/o a clue? YOU are an evolved CHIM-fucking-PANZEE. There is hardly any debate about this in the scientific community...you know, the community which evolved to create your television sets and eyeglasses and Iphones and Honda Civics. The community you think wants to lie to us all about everything in order so that they can take the bonuses they earned from the various atheist overlords that command them to lie, blah blah blah...Whatareyouthinkingcrazychristians? That is one word because it is so strongly felt by so many that care about their friends, family, and the world, and to see the christians and other religious zealots going around in their prim Ford Focus automobiles and handing out pamphlets about how abortion is MASS MURDER while secretly wishing our government would just bomb the shit out of the whole Middle East makes us shudder. Hey, hell, we can start all over over there, we can repopulate with good brainwashed christer childs that we've stuck in bible-school/camp/study/group for every free (FILL TIME) moment we could until their brains are reduced to mumbling incoherently about how "christ is risen" and a whole bunch of other gobbledy gook nonsense that sends them into fits of rapture induced giggles and terror. What a mess.)I cannot think of any reason to create pointless overcomplifications of matters that are relatively straightforward. In this, I recognize the prime creative impulse.
Instead, as an old, established slightly evolved Chimpanzee with no harem to call his own, nor much in the way of reproductive product, I call upon the world to see itself as it is, and relax. We are nothing, going nowhere, achieving almost no thing. You out there, thinking about what a nihilistic bunch of shit that is, are mislead into considering nothing as evil/sin/thebignasty. I don't really differentiate between nothing and something (everything?), yet I have been told that is a huge error in judgment by none other then my significant other. She could be spot on, and I think perhaps there is a serious difference in the way the female and male species thinks about life, or nothing, or everything, in every genus! And there, with my first exclamation point, I proclaim myself energized by my own synaptic meanderings.
It seems to me that your life, my life, is nothing more or less then a tangent. That life itself on this planet is nothing more or less then a tangent. That the universe is nothing more or less then a tangent. A tangent of what? An infinitude of tangents to the sine waves of primal energy. Where did it all come from, this energy, we as tangents, etc...? Where, why, how, when...Who will answer all these questions, and how? At this point, I don't know, and I'm not sure I care. What I do know is that life on this planet evolved over millions of years to create an Iphone, and now we don't know why the hell we did that. What's the point of an Iphone? We don't know, but it is really fun to use. Will it save my soul? What the hell is a soul, and why do we think we have one? I will answer in the next paragraph.
Our brains are wired to NEED the idea of a continuum in which to exist in order to fulfill directive number three. We need to believe it is all a part of a larger picture in order to survive. It is an actual biologic relic of our Hunter/Gatherer origins in our real everyday brains. Therefore, early in our evolution as APE-PEOPLE we became aware that if we created a fictional part of ourselves that never had to die, we would be happier and more productive. At least, that was the theory. The idea of a soul actually created more problems then it solved, I wouldn't hesitate to posit, but at the same time we have created a conundrum of spirituality, because deep deep down there is a part of us that never dies, that is always recycled, but to name it would be to fictionalize reality. And so therefore we fall back on the easy lingo of religion to soothe our souls and medicate our existential angst.
In any case, I am happy to have survived yesterday, and I am happy to continue my journey through the tangential flow universe, or perhaps it is better to call it the infinite interdependent metaverse. Or maybe universe is just fine. Peace.
Post-Eclipse (Ego) - *I* will defeat you. I have defeated you. I have always defeated you. I will always defeat you Because I already have.
1 week ago