Update

I am at 23,000 word and 34 pages. This, I can assure you, is a lot of work.

Project Info

I am not going to write here for awhile, as I am channeling my writing into some more serious writing pursuits, specifically a possible novel or novella. I will be updating word count/page count and all that every now and then. Having already started a project I am awed at how much editing and reworking I am doing already, and I barely started. Wish me luck, and any encouragement would be helpful.

I am at about 7,000 word and 10 pages.

blew

There is nothing new under the sun. All my thoughts have been thought. All the places I have been or are going to are populated. There is nothing new.

I need to go to a place I haven't been, to see a thing I haven't seen, to hear a sound I haven't heard, to smell a new scent, to taste a new taste.

Spring fever. Getting Out Of Here! Making Wild Ass Plans (WAPs)! Eating and drinking too much whilst thinking and dreaming.

MAPS! I need more, I need more gear, I need more money. Fuel is expensive, should I take a train?

Should I just start walking now and walk around the world?

I only have One Life. Unless reincarnation is true in which case I am sure I will be a bird.

I will be a blue bird that flys around the blue world over the blue ocean.

I found the haiku.

there is sun under
dark and mossy places where
newborn green things grow

friend or foe?

I wanted to talk today a little bit about friendship. I tried writing about it last week, and it came out really didactic and foolish, so I hope I can just put a few thoughts out there before I descend into the maelstrom of idiocy.

I love my friends. I wouldn't be who I was without the reflection of myself friends provide me with, as well as the examples of their own lives. I don't have a lot of friends but the friends I have are strong people who are very individualistic. I'm sure sometimes they don't think so, but they are.

I have a friend who is coming to live in the Twin Cities again after an absence of at least 4 years, This makes me happy, because like I said I don't have a lot of friends but those select few are pretty important to me. He is a person that showed me that life is large and exciting, and it is important to live it well. He showed me that "well" can mean a lot of things.

I have a friend who I see about every three years, but she makes me happy every time I get to see her. She reminds me of who I am and where I came from. She reminds me that I need to keep in touch with those I love.

I have a friend who I've lived with for the past 8 years. She reminds me that I need to keep challenging my fears, that life isn't about settling into a pattern of work/sleep/eat, that love isn't about reinforcing each other's insecurities. She keep me on my toes.

And then I have friends who some would call relatives, but I just see as people with their own problems, fears, joys, and tears. They remind me of the interconnectivity of all life, and they provide a continuum of reliability.

Maybe someday I'll be able to repay all of my friends for what they do and have done for me.

Do you see what I mean? When you start talking about friendship or love you start sounding like a bad Oprah episode. But the feelings are true. I try to do what I can do.

Peace.

WOOOOOOO!

Easter came and Easter went. I am tired. Much beer was consumed, lots of good food, lots of good company. I am not a fan of holidays. But sometimes they are a good excuse to relax and have fun.

If I could, I would holiday with all of you. But I can only be at so many places at once.

Tomorrow I will explain why humans act the way they do...

Exit the monolith

Why is my profile down on the bottom of my page here? I don't get it. It annoys me, and I can't seem to do anything about it.

What is there to say today? Spring is here in a major way. The SO and I are getting out on more bike rides and walks. The air is sometimes balmy, sometimes clean. The little green things are poking their heads out of the earth, seeking answers to their questions, getting a taste of what's to come. They remins me to start planting my seeds, physically/spiritually/mentally. I need to work on cultivating the correct conditions for the successful growth of my soul.

I wrote a haiku, but it ran away.

Life is.

It is interesting to contemplate the interconnectedness of all things in relation to the growing digital network of communication. The latent Christian part of me says "Is this a good thing or a bad thing?" My current Buddhist mindset says "This is a thing." Is there no morality attached to these vast webs of communication? On one hand you have the ability to talk or text or send images to friend or family in different parts of the world, on the other you have the opportunity to spend large swathes of time mesmerized by the stream of human thoughts, stories, myriad gaming opportunities, music, eBay, etc... Basically a dynamic window into the inner workings of samsara, the karmically enhanced cyclical condition of suffering via greed/desire/craving. When you stop and think about it, you are doing nothing while you stare at the computer, TV, cellphone, camera, or car window screen. A world of screens.

The question then arises in my mind "Is doing nothing a good thing or a bad thing?" I think it depends on your idea of nothing. There is active nothing and passive nothing, sad nothing and happy nothing, tired nothing and energetic nothing. While you weed the garden are you actually doing anything? While you clean the bathroom are you doing a thing, or are you doing nothing? While you meditate are you actively meditating or passively existing?

I find the internet extremely helpful if I want a thing, or want to know a thing, or want to do no thing. Want, of course, is desire, which is the primary cause of suffering on the planet. I feel better when I talk to a friend or play guitar or cook a meal then when I do anything involving a screen. Those activities are relatively free of desire. You may say "But you want to eat a tasty meal, or you want to hear a nice tone, or you want to shake off loneliness." But I say "My desire for those things are good for me and for others." What am I doing that is good for me and or for others while I am on the internet? I can say with some certainty that it is usually nothing. I do some research on environmental, political, or spiritual issues. I write this blog as a place to put my thoughts for others to read, in case they might find some use or insight or entertainment. I guess at the end of my contemplation I would have to say that the majority of the time I spend online is wasted time.

I really believe you can only spend time, you can not save it. Well, I also believe time is a mirage, but I won't get into that. If you feel you are not spending your time wisely, you should change your behavior, correct? Therefore if I feel I spend eighty percent of my time online doing nothing with desire I should instead use that time to do something without desire.

At the end of it all, really, everything you do is good if you do it mindfully and for others. At the end of the end of it all, really, life is but a dream. At the end of the dream, life is. Life.

the ripples

It is beautiful outside. Would that it were as beautiful inside. The sun shines, bulbs are breaking free of their earthly confines, and robins are scampering to and fro, pecking for worms.

I walked down by the Mississippi yesterday as the sun went down. As dirty and polluted as the water is, it is still a beautiful flowing stream. Ducks and geese honked and brayed like waterborn camels.

I see prisoners being set free, bodies burning, hungry people sailing across seas in rickety boats, prisoners being tortured, and dead animals on the television. I see buds bursting with life on the real vision.

The dreamlike quality of existence is particularly illuminated for me in spring and fall. You can easily see the transitory nature of phenomenon. Every thought, breathe, word, and action sets in motion the ripples of constant change.

thich nhat hanh

"Remember, there are moments when you are driving your car, and he or she is sitting next to you. You are thinking about everything, but you don’t think about the person sitting next to you—you think that you know everything about that person. You can even be singing a song, and thinking about your future and your plans, and you are quite unaware of the person who is sitting next to you. There is no mindfulness. You are not practicing love. Love is the energy of mindfulness which surrounds and embraces the object of your love."

http://www.plumvillage.org/teachings/DharmaTalkTranscripts/summer98/1998%20August%207_Protecting%20Our%20Children.htm

Pentagon to explode big stupid bomb

http://www.guardian.co.uk/usa/story/0,,1744506,00.html

Good afternoon and good luck

We're doing body twisting asanas for this week's yoga lesson. Killer, absolutely killer. I am going to have to lose about 80 pounds before I can get into some of these positions.

I just tried roasting my own coffee beans in the oven. It smells weird, not like a coffee shop, more like an accident.

It's my niece's birthday today. One year old. Little buddha baby.

Weird weather today. Weird weather all this week. A hawk squawked at me yesterday.

Good luck.

The ocean is dying.

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/265052_acid31.html

What is a real something?

How is this possible? It is March 31st, 2006, 6:10 PM. Where did last year go? What happened to all my ambitions and plans? What am I doing here, sitting in front of a computer screen? I should be on a beach somewhere, tossing rocks into the ocean and listening to seagulls. Sleeping in a tent 10,000 feet high, on a whistling rocky outcropping. Having a latte in Switzerland wearing a sombrero. Snorkeling in Thailand with Elvis. Flying to the moon on a modified tricycle.

What happens to time? Where does it go? Can you really save it or can you only spend it?

My intentions are to keep going, not to stop, but to continue onward into the infinite. Does anybody else realize that they are ultimately going to die at the end of this life? Then do they ask themselves "What the hell am I doing wasting my precious minutes, hours, days, years, decades screwing around?" "Do I have the right to do that?" "Will I be reborn as a newt?"

Does anybody really care about these questions or is it just me, a 27 year old cook/musician/buddhist white male with no real problems and no real solutions and no real anything? What is a real something? If I had a house and kids and a career would that be real? Does that change the fact that I am ultimately going to die at the end of my life?

I guess it all comes down to one question: How do I want to spend my time while I am alive?

M & M

Somedays, nothing makes me happier then a Mark Morford article.

"My Parrot Screams Like A Girl This is your pet. This is your pet yelping and burping and chatting on the phone. All true

By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist


She used to just squeal and chirp and squeak and burp like a tiny feathered sailor. She used to just make adorable little noises like a moderately hyperactive little monkey holding a banana and looking at the sky and talking to the clouds.
But not anymore. Now, the SO's African Gray parrot, 1 foot tall and 2 feet of wingspan and 1 solid pound of tiny-boned flesh, named Anaya and cuter than a drunk squirrel and more exasperating than a knotted shoelace and more lovingly spoiled than a blond grandchild in the Hamptons, this bird, now nearly 2 years old and maturing a bit and moving away from her fledgling awkward vocal confusions and into a more adult phase of happy confident incessant noisedom, this parrot has learned to scream. Like a girl. Exactly like a girl. And also chat on the phone. Sometimes at the same time. "

My Parrot Screams Like A Girl - This is your pet. This is your p...03/31/2006
Long Live The 9/11 Conspiracy! - Anyone still care about the hea...03/29/2006
Three Years Of Happyfun War! - 1,100 days of brutal violence and...03/24/2006
American Teens, Perky As Candy - Disney's dorky smash hit "High ...03/22/2006
Behold, A Furry Blond Lobster - Pipe down your jaded overfed mul...

Masanobu Fukuoka

Masanobu is a hero/guru/teacher. I've enjoyed learning about him and his work with natural farming. Here is an excerpt from a great interview.


"Robert: What have you learned in your 50 years of work about what people could do with their agriculture?

Masanobu: I am a small man, as you can see, but I came to the States with a very big intention. This small man becomes smaller and smaller, and won't last very long, so I'd like to share my idea from 50 years ago. My dream is just like a balloon. It could get smaller and smaller, or it could get bigger and bigger. If it could be said in a brief way, it could be said as the word "nothingness." In a larger way it could wrap the entire earth.

I live on a small mountain doing farming. I don't have any knowledge, I don't do anything. My way of farming is no cultivation, no fertilizer, no chemicals. Ten years ago my book, One Straw Revolution, was published by Rodale Press in the United States. From that point I couldn't just sleep in the mountains. Seven years ago I took an airplane for the first time in my life and went to California, Boston, New York City. I was surprised because I thought the United States was full of green everywhere, but it looked like death land to me."

more info here:

http://www.context.org/ICLIB/IC14/Fukuoka.htm

http://larryhaftl.com/ffo/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masanobu_Fukuoka

The point.

What's the point of earning money if you don't want to buy anything?

Meditation, as well as other physical/mental practices, is the most subversive activity, because all you need is the ground under your feet and your mind. Once hooked on meditation other addictions become ephemereal in substance. Once hooked on the infinite the finite becomes clear.

I went to work today. The dead mouse in the basement was finally gone. I earned some money. My bosses were fighting when I left. I have some dishes to do. It is sunny and warm outside, I should be outside. I still haven't done my taxes, even though I told myself I was going to do them a month ago. The car needs some work. I need to straighten up the bedroom. Water the plants. Clean up the whole damn apartment! Clean out the hard drive. Go get some toilet paper. Do yoga lesson, you fat slob. Hurry up, hurry up. Take a shower. Do one more load of wash. Clip toenails. Make some dinner. Take out the trash and recycling. And the compost, gross, overflowing. Do something significant you loser. Write a poem, a song. Yeah right. Walk to the river. Call a friend. Pay my rent. Pay the bills. Switch the phone to a package deal, with DSL and cellular service? No, no, no. Why are we paying for Working Asssets Long Distance when we only use it 5 times a month? It's like $25. Take some pictures with the new camera. My feet are cold, turn up the thermostat. No, idiot, put on warmer socks, put on sweater. Clean the place up you slob, stop writing a blog! I need to exercise, I need to get outside. Work was boring, everything sucks, my life is pointless. Nothing sucks, well, The History of Violence sucked. Why do they always pretend to have some deep meaning while they have people shoot at each other? I'm tired of figuring out what to eat...Maybe I should light some incense. Meditate.

You are always beginning now.

Morning Blah

Sometimes you wake up with disgusting breathe, hazy eyes, a tired soul, and an empty garbage can where your energy stockpile usually is. Sometimes. Sometimes I take a shower, brush my teeth, put on clean clothes, and breathe. That usually gets the transmission in gear. Sometimes it doesn't. Today, I don't know what will get me doing jumping jacks for joy.

At least it is sunny. And we had the first total solar eclipse the world has seen in years. http://www.startribune.com/722/story/337513.html

I just skimmed the article and I came up with this quote: "I believe it's a wonderful work of God, despite all what the scientists say," said Solomon Pomenya, a 52-year old doctor. "This tells me that God is a true engineer."

Despite the glaring grammatical issues and pointed philosophical problems, he is being an ignorant fool. Scientists do not necessarily say that an eclipse or other natural phenomenon is not the work of God, they are just trying to give logical reasons for why and how they happen. Scientists look for cause and effect, and by using the Scientific Method they create a continuum of recordable scientific explanations for the existence of the universe. A lot of scientists are religious. What is this fool trying to say? That if you are a scientist that believes in God you should spontaneously explode? If you were God and you created the universe, wouldn't you want the universe to figure itself out? And what is a "true" engineer? What about "an engineer is a true God" ? Or how about "God exists in an engineer, an eclipse, and in me, therefore I am going to have a lollipop"?

Sometimes my soul wants to explode with frustration.

Try this

Every hour, yell to yourself "(your name) , WAKE UP!"

It should give you a small satori.

SATORI OR DIE!

"Knowing truth is Buddha; expressing truth is Dharma; embodying truth and living truly is Sangha." -Lama Surya Das

I have no real independent existence. Since I found the truth, I have vanished. I am happy, I am alive. I am I am I am I.

Esoteric nonsense? Exactly. You are right. I am wrong. Forgive me.

Have a nice day.

Next post: What the hell are you talking about?